Wedding Bell Blues
Wednesday, Apr. 27, 2005, 8:38 p.m.

QUESTION: Dreams for sale?

WHAT I LEARNED: Advertising is a tricky business

A friend was surprised to discover a few of his wedding pictures � slightly edited for effect � on a local online classified ad service. It seems his estranged spouse � the one who has arranged for him to spend a few unexpected days in the local adult detention center recently � was selling her wedding gown. Is the thrill gone or is there such a profit to be made in the used wedding gown market that selling the dress just couldn�t be resisted? I don�t know. I enjoyed the ad though.

She does seem to be having some trouble selling it. Maybe she�s asking too much for the gown. Or maybe she just needs to change her advertising approach. I especially wonder about the photos she has chosen to illustrate the glory of this wedding finery.

Frankly, I would be worried about buying the dress she�s advertising for a couple simple reasons. First, it seems like you might risk losing your head when you put on the dress. Witness this shot with bridal bouquet:

Such pretty flowers too.

This second shot drives home the headless issue:

It�s good to have a mile long train but it�s better to have a good head on your shoulders.

Alas, if you are fortunate enough to keep your head, you might lose your face instead. Witness what happens when the happy couple stops for a posed wedding shot in the church. Their faces become featureless creamy blobs.

I think it�s scary. But I don�t need a wedding dress. If I needed one real bad, I might be willing to consider the headless/faceless problem as just a slight impediment in the wedding day adventure. It would be something to tell the grandkids, after all. It might yield some interesting wedding photographs too � photos usually a trifle too dull for any but the wedding party to truly enjoy viewing.

My friend thinks his estranged wife should hold onto the dress so that if/when they get back together again they can reaffirm their vows at some point and she can wear it � cathedral train and all. I�m dubious � about the yards of train on a thrice married woman renewing her vows and a few other things related to this blissful wish for romance renewed - but I do like a man with a positive outlook.

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