Foxes Tale
Friday, Jun. 06, 2003, 9:29 a.m.

QUESTION: Foxes where?

WHAT I LEARNED: 1 and 1 can make 4.

This is the story of four naughty foxes. I thought it was one naughty fox at first. Then for a while, I thought it was two naughty foxes. Finally I saw 4 naughty foxes with my own eyes � and those eyes were plenty big when I saw all 4 little red foxes bouncing through my juniper bushes.

I was surprised to see one � much less four - having never really seen a fox up close before. I have heard about foxes. And the people we bought this house from many years ago told us about foxes in the woods when there were woods to be had here. But those were campfire tales. Suburban legends. We knew there were no foxes for us. And we were bummed about it too. We just had lots of birds, squirrels, an occasional bunny, a noisy frog, some possums, and once, a turtle. It seemed unfair somehow. The days of foxes had seemingly passed.

I have read about foxes though. Dr. Suess put his Fox in Socks. Zelda and Ivy were fox sisters with triangular faces. There are naughty foxes in Aesops Fables and Beatrix Potter wrote about the unfortunate Jemima Puddleduck�s encounter with a overly solicituous fox with dinner plans. We always used to read The Hungry Fox and the Foxy Duck when the kids were little. It was a favorite because the clever fox met his match in the even more clever little duck.

I always liked that duck.

I feel like the foxes kind of broke the news to me real slow. It�s like they said - okay, first you run around in front of her office window a couple times just like you happen to be passing by. Then after a day or two of that, I�ll just kind of casually turn up but not at the same time as you. Yeah, that will confuse her. And then when she is saying to herself � damn, that fox looks different every time I see it, she may even forget to think � what the hell is a fox doing in my backyard anyway.

Then we�ll just kind of turn up together � maybe on opposite sides of the yard for a little extra dramatic effect. We�ll spring the kids on her later.

At any rate that�s what those little foxes did. The only thing is � what do you do with a family of foxes in your yard? I found an interesting site on urban foxes and it gave me some good advice about fox watching (good), fox poop (bad), and about why foxes are so cool but are poor pet material. I looked them up in the encyclopedia too because I actually have one around (and I had already turned off the computer for the night). It said they are good for reducing the chances of the plague due to their ability to assist in the reduction of the rodent population. However, I�m not particularly worried about the plague. Not very much anyway. I think rabies worries me more than the plague. That and the health and welfare of a couple chipmunks and this season's crop of rabbits which have already been seen hopping around the garden with those cute white tails.

Perhaps what I need is a foxy duck.

DETAILS: Coffee: Milky Way + Listening to: jazz, jazz, jazz + Observing: a squirrel looking through the window + Thinking: Who is going to clean up this mess? + Weather: perfectly sunny

Today�s Suburban Strategy: Hollywood got your remote?

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