Getting the Final Word
Monday, May. 19, 2003, 10:15 p.m.

Question: What did we do before dryer sheets?

What I Learned: Keep it short.

As I was folding up the pillowcases and towels today, a sudden epitaph � yes, like the kind you put on a gravestone � came to mind. It must have been smelling all that fluffy freshness or something, because the line � she always reminded me to use the fabric sheets � came to mind. I can see it now � beautifully etched in stone with a little angel draped atop the words or even better, maybe that little Snuggle bear.

As you can imagine, I had to give this a bit more thought, what with the scent of the Snuggle Dryer sheets fresh in the air. So, I thought of a few more:

She never made a tuna helper I didn�t like.

A bed undone made her unstrung.

This puts an end to her procrastination.

Her commitment to proper laundry sorting will continue to inspire those with white fuzzballs on our black sweaters throughout time.

Finally � look whose stuck doing the housework now.

You mean this wasn�t a reality series?

Brave Soldier of the Sunday Nite Surprise Homework Battles. She perserved til the end.

Never forget - housework undone, mean extra time for fun.

Or how about going with a classic � one you may see on the stones resting in some graveyards in the South � She Done The Best She Could. Does that ever tell the tale. It just spits it right out there. Look she did the best she could so just shut up, put down the flowers, and take a hike.

This put me in mind of W.C. Fields whose gravestone I once heard read simply � I�d rather be in Philadelphia . Or maybe that�s just what he said he wanted inscribed there in a wittier moment. Either way, that�s a good one WC.

I thought I�d take a look at what some other famous people, or at least those who had to spring for their headstone, had to say in granite and marble. Here�s a sampling but if you want more � and how could you not? � then stop by Brain Candy and get another dose of closing words.